A Day in the Life of My Computer Screen

Ctrl + Alt + Delete Me Pls

7:30 AM – A rogue hand jolts me awake, pressing my keyboard without warning. No respect for my beauty sleep.

7:42 AM – A steaming wave of black liquid cascades over me. I burn. I suffer. I cry out with a hum.

7:43 AM – My human attacks me with paper towels, muttering the first word of the day: "Sht."* Charming.

8:00 AM – Thanks to my meticulous nighttime routine, all tabs are open and ready for my human’s chaotic day.

8:01 AM – First Google search: “Why does my stomach hurt?” A classic.

8:15 AM – I feel woozy, like I need to shut my eyes. Am I dying?

8:16 AM – A sudden jolt of energy rushes through me. Ah. Charging. Crisis averted.

8:20 AM – My human jumps between tabs—mostly Gmail and Substack. So predictable.

8:22 AM – Darkness. My human has abandoned me for the next nine hours. I guess someone needs to pay the bills.

5:30 PM – I’m yanked from my slumber, groggy but functional.

5:31 PM – I travel from table to couch.

5:32 PM – Dinner inquiries commence. I process recipe searches like a Michelin-starred chef. My computer friends would be proud of me.

5:33 PM – Chili. We linger on this for a while. Bold choice. I also know my human doesn’t like chili, but always tries to make it.

5:47 PM – Now we’re everywhere—Pinterest, NYT, Substack, StoryGraph. A sprinkle of reddit. My human’s attention span is questionable.

6:30 PM – TV is on, but I’m still used for casual browsing. Oh, now we’re shopping? Splendid. Perhaps my human can get me a new jacket.

8:39 PM – My lid closes. Silence. I know what this means.

It’s bedtime. Finally. See you tomorrow. Or not. Maybe tomorrow I just won’t turn on. Who knows. Bye!